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How Do You Teach Healthy Relationships to Special Education Students?

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Teaching healthy relationships to special education students can feel like a big responsibility. Relationships involve friendship, communication, personal space, privacy, boundaries, rejection, consent, dating, safety, and much more. Where does an educator even begin?

A good starting point is to remember that healthy relationships are not one skill.

Students build relationship skills over time. They learn how different people fit into their lives. They learn what makes someone a friend. They practice conversations, recognize boundaries, understand privacy, handle rejection, and learn how to communicate what they want and need.

For some students with developmental disabilities, these ideas may need to be taught directly and concretely. Students may also benefit from seeing skills demonstrated, practicing them, and revisiting them in different situations.

Healthy relationships do not have to be something we simply expect students to figure out.

We can teach them.

What Does Teaching Healthy Relationships Actually Include?

When people hear “healthy relationships,” they sometimes think immediately about dating or romantic relationships.

Those topics matter, especially as students get older. However, relationship education can begin long before dating becomes relevant.

Think about how many relationship decisions happen during an ordinary school day.

Who is a friend?

What makes a friend different from an acquaintance?

How close should I stand to another person?

What information is private?

How do I start a conversation?

What happens when someone does not want to be my friend?

How can I communicate that I do not want to be touched?

What should I do when another person tells me no?

These are relationship skills too.

The American Academy of Pediatrics emphasizes that young people with disabilities should have developmentally appropriate opportunities to learn about relationships as they grow. Its guidance discusses education that extends beyond anatomy and reproduction to include interpersonal relationships, respect, consent, boundaries, and relationship building. The report also describes this education as something that should develop over time rather than happen during a single conversation.

That broader view is helpful when teaching healthy relationships to special education students. Instead of trying to teach “relationships” all at once, educators can identify smaller concepts and build from them.

Start With the People Students Already Encounter

Before students can understand complicated relationships, they may need a way to understand the people already around them.

A student encounters family members, teachers, classmates, neighbors, community members, friends, acquaintances, and strangers. Those people do not all have the same relationship with the student.

That distinction can affect what we say, what we share, how close we stand, and what kinds of interactions are appropriate.

The Healthy Relationships Curriculum begins its Relationship Development module with People I Encounter and Different Types of Relationships. From there, instruction moves into concepts such as friends, acquaintances, bullying, and making friends.

There is a reason to build this foundation.

Imagine teaching a student that it is okay to hug a friend. That guidance becomes confusing if the student does not yet have a clear understanding of who qualifies as a friend.

Likewise, telling a student not to share private information with strangers requires some understanding of who is and is not a stranger.

Relationship categories give students a framework they can use as other skills become more complex.

Make Relationship Concepts Concrete

Relationships are full of unwritten rules.

Many of us learn those rules through years of observation and experience. However, we should not assume every learner will discover them in the same way.

Words such as friendship, privacy, boundaries, consent, and rejection describe ideas that can look different depending on the situation.

Concrete examples can help.

Instead of only telling students to “respect personal space,” show them what appropriate personal space can look like.

Rather than simply explaining that some conversations are private, give examples of public and private topics.

When discussing friendship, help students identify behaviors that may occur in a friendship and compare them with other types of relationships.

Visual supports, videos, demonstrations, examples, and scenarios can turn an abstract concept into something students can see and discuss.

If you want to see how Healthy Relationships combines these different teaching tools, you can see what is included in the Healthy Relationships Curriculum.

Teaching Healthy Relationships to Special Education Students Requires Practice

Knowing the answer is important.

Using the skill is different.

A student might correctly answer a question about personal space and then stand extremely close to someone in the cafeteria. Another learner may identify an appropriate response to rejection during a lesson but struggle when a peer actually says no.

That gap does not necessarily mean the student failed to learn.

It may mean the student needs more opportunities to practice.

Role plays can give learners a chance to try a response before they encounter the situation naturally. Videos can provide examples to watch, pause, discuss, and revisit. Scenario cards can introduce different situations while keeping the underlying concept consistent.

Real-world practice can then help students connect instruction with everyday life.

This matters because the goal is not simply for students to know relationship vocabulary.

We want those skills to become useful.

Teach Communication Alongside Relationships

Relationships depend heavily on communication.

Students may need support learning how to start a conversation, listen to another person, recognize when someone wants to stop talking, adjust voice volume, or decide what information is appropriate to share.

Communication also becomes important when things do not go as planned.

What happens when someone disagrees?

What if another person says no?

How should someone respond when a friend wants something different?

What can a student do if they feel uncomfortable?

The HRC Scope and Sequence reflects this connection. Relationship Development includes lessons on small talk, private talk, personal space, and voice volume. It also introduces rejection and how to respond to rejection safely.

These may seem like separate topics on paper. In real relationships, they overlap constantly.

Teach Boundaries From Both Directions

Students need to learn that their boundaries matter.

They also need to learn that other people’s boundaries matter.

That means relationship education should not focus only on protecting students from unsafe situations. It should also help learners understand how their own behavior affects another person.

For example, a student may need to learn how to say:

“No.”

“Please stop.”

“I don’t want that.”

“I need some space.”

At the same time, students need opportunities to learn what to do when someone else communicates those same messages.

This is one reason teaching healthy relationships to special education students should include both self-advocacy and respect for other people.

As students grow, these concepts can support more advanced discussions about physical affection and consent.

Healthy Relationships Include Handling Rejection

Healthy relationship education cannot only teach what to do when an interaction goes well.

Sometimes another person does not want to talk.

A friendship may change.

Someone may not return romantic interest.

A person may say no to a request.

Those experiences can be disappointing for anyone. Students may need direct instruction about what rejection means and, more importantly, what they can safely do next.

The current Healthy Relationships Scope and Sequence includes What is Rejection? followed by Handling Rejection Safely. It then continues into social media, communication, boundaries, physical affection, consent, and dating as those topics become appropriate for learners.

This progression reinforces an important idea: relationship education is not just about helping students create relationships.

It is also about helping them navigate the complicated moments that happen within them.

Relationship Skills Can Grow With the Learner

Not every relationship topic needs to be taught at once.

In fact, it should not be.

The HRC Scope and Sequence is designed as a reference point rather than a rigid timetable. It emphasizes that educators know their learners best and that many individuals benefit from review and repetition across several years. It also encourages educators to build on prior knowledge as students grow.

You can review the Healthy Relationships Curriculum Scope and Sequence to see how topics can build from foundational concepts toward more complex relationship skills.

That flexibility matters.

One student may be ready to work on identifying friends and acquaintances. Another may need support with personal space. An older learner might be navigating dating, consent, or romantic affection.

The question is not simply, “What grade is the student in?”

We also need to ask, “What does this learner understand, and what do they need next?”

Show Students What Healthy Relationships Can Look Like

Sometimes words are not enough.

A teacher can explain small talk, personal space, boundaries, or appropriate affection. A video can let students see an example unfold.

That is one reason video is used throughout Healthy Relationships.

Students can observe people interacting, talk about what they notice, and connect the example with the concept being taught. Educators can pause when something important happens or replay an interaction when students need another opportunity to see it.

Then students can practice.

If you are new to HRC and want to understand how all of these pieces fit together, watch our video explaining the Healthy Relationships Curriculum.

This is also a useful way to decide whether the teaching approach makes sense for the students you support before exploring the program more deeply.

Families and Caregivers Can Be Part of Relationship Education

Relationship skills do not stay at school.

Students interact with family members, neighbors, friends, community members, coworkers, and people online.

Families and caregivers can provide important information about what students are experiencing outside the classroom. They may also notice skills or challenges that are difficult to see at school.

For example, a student who rarely uses social media during the school day may spend significant time communicating online at home. Another student may demonstrate personal space successfully with school staff but struggle during family or community activities.

Sharing concepts and resources with families can create additional opportunities for students to encounter familiar ideas in different parts of their lives.

That does not mean school and home must look exactly the same.

It means we can help students make connections.

Healthy Relationship Education Should Prepare Students for Real Life

Ultimately, teaching healthy relationships to special education students is not about getting through a list of lessons.

It is about life.

Students are growing up.

Their relationships will change.

They may make new friends, lose friends, meet coworkers, develop romantic interests, communicate online, go on dates, live more independently, or spend more time in their communities.

They will also encounter misunderstandings, disappointment, boundaries, and rejection.

We cannot predict every situation a learner will experience.

We can give them tools.

You Don’t Have to Build Relationship Instruction From Scratch

Knowing what students need is one thing.

Finding the time to create all the materials is another.

A teacher could spend hours searching for a friendship activity, making a personal space visual, finding an appropriate video, writing scenarios about rejection, creating a lesson about consent, developing family materials, and figuring out how to measure progress.

Then another student needs something different.

Healthy Relationships was created to bring these pieces together.

The curriculum provides structured lessons alongside visual supports, videos, role plays, demonstrations, activities, family resources, and tools educators can use to monitor student progress.

More importantly, the topics connect.

Friendship connects with communication.

Communication connects with boundaries.

Boundaries connect with consent.

Rejection connects with safety.

Those connections help relationship education become something more meaningful than a collection of disconnected lessons.

If you want to look inside before making any decisions, you can start a free trial of the Healthy Relationships Curriculum and explore the resources yourself.

Teaching Healthy Relationships Can Start With One Skill

There is a lot we could teach about relationships.

That does not mean we have to teach everything tomorrow.

When teaching healthy relationships to special education students, start with the learner in front of you.

What relationships are part of their life right now?

What do they already understand?

Where are they having difficulty?

What skill could make their relationships safer, healthier, or more successful?

Start there.

Then build.

A conversation about different types of relationships can lead to friendship. Friendship can lead to communication. Communication can lead to boundaries. Those lessons can eventually support discussions about affection, consent, romantic relationships, and dating when they become appropriate.

The important part is that we teach.

If you are wondering where to begin with your students, you do not have to figure it out alone. Schedule time with our team to talk about your learners, your setting, and the relationship skills you are trying to teach.

Healthy relationships matter throughout our lives.

Our students deserve opportunities to learn the skills that can help them build those relationships, understand their own boundaries, respect the boundaries of others, communicate more successfully, and navigate an increasingly complex social world.

Those skills can be taught.

And every learner deserves the opportunity to learn them.

Author: Jen Falkowski, M.Ed. — Special Education Supervisor

Teach Social Skills Before Students Need Them

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Every educator can probably picture a moment when they realized they needed to teach social skills before a student encountered a challenging situation.

A student stands a little too close to a classmate while waiting in line. Someone blurts out a personal question during a classroom discussion. A learner shares private information with someone they just met, not realizing the situation could become unsafe. Before long, we’re helping students repair hurt feelings, clarify expectations, or navigate a social situation that became much bigger than anyone anticipated.

Those moments are part of teaching, especially when we work with neurodivergent learners or students with developmental disabilities. They often become valuable learning opportunities, and many of us have become quite skilled at recognizing when a student needs guidance.

But it’s also worth asking ourselves an important question: What if the best opportunity to teach that skill happened before the situation ever occurred?

At Healthy Relationships, that’s one of the beliefs that guides everything we do. There will always be teachable moments after a problem arises. We’ve found, however, that some of the most meaningful learning happens long before students need to use the skill independently. When instruction happens proactively, students have the chance to ask questions, practice new skills, and build confidence in an environment where they aren’t worried about getting into trouble or making another mistake.

Teaching social skills proactively isn’t about preventing every mistake. Mistakes are part of learning. Instead, it’s about giving students a stronger foundation before they find themselves navigating increasingly complex social situations on their own.

Learning Looks Different When Students Feel Safe

Think about your own life for a moment.

If you’ve ever had a disagreement with a spouse, a family member, a friend, or a coworker, you probably know that the middle of the conflict isn’t always the best time to solve the problem. When emotions are running high, most of us aren’t thinking clearly. We’re focused on what happened, how we’re feeling, and what comes next. Only after we’ve had an opportunity to settle down are we usually ready to reflect, listen, and truly learn from the experience.

Our students are no different.

When a learner has just experienced an embarrassing social interaction, accidentally crossed someone else’s boundaries, or received corrective feedback, they’re often thinking about consequences. Instead of focusing on instruction, they’re wondering what will happen next. They may be wondering whether they’re in trouble, whether everyone noticed what happened, or how to avoid feeling embarrassed again.

Those concerns are completely understandable.

The challenge is that when emotions become the center of attention, learning often moves into the background. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t teach in those moments. Sometimes we absolutely should. It simply reminds us that introducing new social concepts before students are under stress often creates a much stronger opportunity for meaningful learning.

We Usually Know Which Skills Students Will Need

One of the greatest advantages educators have is that many of the situations our students will face aren’t surprises.

We know they’ll stand in line at school. We know they’ll eat lunch with peers, participate in community outings, interview for jobs, communicate online, and eventually build relationships throughout adulthood. Educators also know students will need to understand personal space, friendships, boundaries, privacy, hygiene, and healthy decision making if they’re going to navigate those experiences successfully.

If we can anticipate these situations, it raises an important question.

Why would we wait until something goes wrong before introducing the skills that could help students navigate those moments more confidently?

Imagine you were planning a trip across the country. You probably wouldn’t wait until you were pulling out of the driveway to decide how you were getting there. You’d look at a map, plan your route, and prepare for the journey ahead. Teaching social skills works much the same way. We already know many of the situations our students will encounter. Preparing them before those moments occur simply gives them a better roadmap for success.

Proactive instruction gives learners something incredibly valuable: the opportunity to succeed before the stakes feel high. Instead of learning while they’re worried about making another mistake, students have time to practice, ask questions, and develop confidence in a supportive environment where mistakes become part of the learning process rather than the center of it.

That shift may seem small, but over time it changes the entire learning experience.

Teaching Social Skills Means Teaching Smaller Skills First

One of the biggest misconceptions about social skills is that they’re single skills.

In reality, most of the skills we teach are made up of many smaller skills that work together.

Take friendship as an example. We sometimes talk about “making friends” as though it’s a single lesson, but healthy friendships involve many different skills working together. Students learn how to communicate, respect boundaries, recognize another person’s perspective, build trust, solve disagreements, and understand that not every person they enjoy spending time with has the same role in their lives.

Teaching students the difference between a friend and an acquaintance is one example of helping learners understand those different roles before they find themselves in a confusing or potentially unsafe situation.

The same idea applies to many of the topics educators teach every day.

Understanding personal hygiene isn’t simply about taking a shower. It includes recognizing when hygiene is needed, understanding why it matters, developing routines, using products correctly, and practicing those routines consistently enough that they become part of everyday life.

When we begin looking at social skills this way, it changes how we teach them. Instead of expecting students to master a complex concept all at once, we can intentionally teach the smaller skills that eventually come together to support greater independence.

Repetition Is What Holds Learning Together

Educators often talk about building blocks.

It’s a helpful analogy because every new skill gives students something they can build upon. As learners grow, those individual skills begin connecting to one another, creating a stronger understanding of themselves and the world around them.

But there is another analogy that I think captures the learning process even better.

Imagine building a brick wall.

The bricks are important. Without them, there isn’t a wall. Each brick represents a new concept, a new lesson, or another opportunity for growth.

But if you’ve ever looked closely at a brick wall, you know that the strength of the wall doesn’t come from the bricks alone.

It comes from the mortar that holds everything together.

The same is true when we teach social skills.

Individual lessons matter, but lasting learning doesn’t happen simply because students heard a lesson once. It happens because those lessons are reinforced through repetition, consistency, practice, and opportunities to apply them in different situations. Those experiences become the “mortar” that connects one lesson to the next until students begin using those skills more independently.

That’s why we often say that teaching isn’t simply about presenting information. It’s about creating enough meaningful opportunities for students to connect those individual lessons until they become part of everyday life.

This is especially important for many neurodivergent learners.

A developmental delay doesn’t mean something is broken. Our students don’t need to be fixed. They simply benefit from instruction that is often more explicit, more concrete, and reinforced over time. When we begin thinking about repetition as one of our greatest instructional tools rather than simply repeating ourselves, it changes how we approach teaching altogether.

One Situation Doesn’t Automatically Teach the Next

One of the greatest challenges many educators observe is generalization.

Adults often transfer experiences from one setting to another without even realizing they’re doing it. Many of our students need those connections taught much more explicitly.

For example, a student may learn about personal space while waiting in line at school and do an excellent job applying that skill every day in the cafeteria. Then that same student visits an amusement park, attends a sporting event, or rides public transportation and suddenly struggles to know what appropriate personal space looks like in a completely different environment.

To us, those situations may seem obviously related.

To the learner, they may feel completely different.

That’s why proactive instruction extends beyond teaching a skill once. It also means creating opportunities to talk about how the same skill may look different depending on the environment, the people involved, and the expectations of that setting.

Helping students make those connections is often just as important as introducing the skill itself.

Teach Social Skills Through Small Everyday Conversations

When educators hear the phrase “teach social skills,” it’s easy to imagine adding another lesson to an already full schedule.

In reality, some of the most meaningful instruction happens in moments that only take a few minutes.

It might be a conversation before walking into the cafeteria.

A reminder before students leave for a community outing.

A discussion before work based learning begins.

A role play before students practice introducing themselves to someone new.

Those brief, intentional conversations often become powerful because they happen before students need the skill. Instead of reacting to a mistake, we’re preparing students for success. That small shift allows instruction to feel encouraging rather than corrective, giving students the confidence to apply what they’ve learned when the opportunity arises.

Supporting Teachers, Not Giving Them More To Do

Every educator already understands that social skills matter.

The challenge has never been convincing teachers that these lessons are important.

The challenge is time.

Teachers are balancing academic instruction, IEP implementation, progress monitoring, behavior support, family communication, documentation, meetings, and countless responsibilities throughout every school day. Adding one more thing to that list isn’t realistic.

That’s why proactive instruction isn’t about doing more.

It’s about teaching with intention.

Sometimes spending just a few minutes preparing students before an activity can prevent repeated corrections later. A short conversation before a community outing, a visual reminder before lunch, or a role play before a classroom discussion can often have a greater impact than repeatedly addressing the same concern after it happens.

Research has consistently supported the value of intentionally teaching social and emotional skills as part of student success.

When proactive instruction becomes part of everyday teaching instead of something we only do after problems arise, students are given more opportunities to experience success before challenges become barriers.

Helping Students Build Confidence Before They Need It

At Healthy Relationships, we believe the best way to teach social skills isn’t to wait until something goes wrong.

Mistakes are part of learning.

The goal is to help students develop the knowledge, confidence, and decision making skills they’ll need before they find themselves navigating increasingly complex relationships and situations on their own.

When we teach social skills proactively, we’re doing much more than reducing challenging situations in the classroom.

We’re helping students become more independent.

We’re helping them build healthier relationships.

We’re helping them make safer decisions.

And perhaps most importantly, we’re helping them develop the confidence to participate more fully in school, at work, in their communities, and throughout adulthood.

Those are skills that extend far beyond the classroom.

They’re life skills.

Continue Building Social Skills with Healthy Relationships

Healthy Relationships helps educators proactively teach relationship skills, social safety, personal boundaries, hygiene, self advocacy, healthy decision making, and independence through structured lessons, engaging videos, visual supports, assessments, and professional development designed specifically for neurodivergent learners and students with developmental disabilities.

Whether you’re introducing these concepts for the first time or reinforcing them throughout the school year, Healthy Relationships provides practical tools that help students build confidence one skill at a time. Because when students have opportunities to learn social skills before they need them, they’re not just preparing for the next school day. They’re preparing for greater independence throughout life.

Author: Annie Smith, M. Ed. — Behavioral Health Specialist

Healthy Relationships is used by educators, therapists, schools, residential programs, and service providers across 43 states to teach safety, relationships, independence, and daily living skills to individuals with developmental disabilities.

How to Teach Personal Space Without Creating Fear

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Have you ever wondered how to teach personal space without making students feel embarrassed, anxious, or afraid of making mistakes?

It’s a question special educators, therapists, school counselors, and families ask every day. Personal space is one of the most important relationship skills we teach, yet it can also be one of the most difficult. The goal isn’t simply helping someone “stay farther away.” The goal is helping individuals understand how personal space helps everyone feel comfortable, respected, and safe.

Teaching personal space isn’t about creating distance between people. It’s about giving learners the confidence to build healthy relationships in school, at work, and throughout their communities.

Why Is Personal Space So Difficult to Teach?

Many social skills rely on subtle communication.

Most people naturally notice when someone takes a step backward, crosses their arms, or looks uncomfortable. They read facial expressions, body language, and other social cues without thinking much about them.

Many individuals with developmental disabilities benefit from direct instruction because those cues may not be immediately obvious. That doesn’t mean they don’t care about other people. It simply means they often need clear, concrete instruction instead of expecting them to “read between the lines.”

That’s one of the biggest reasons personal space deserves intentional teaching rather than assuming it will naturally develop over time.

The Biggest Mistake Educators Make

One of the biggest mistakes educators make is teaching personal space only after something has already gone wrong.

A student stands too close.

Someone becomes uncomfortable.

An adult responds by saying, “Back up,” or “You’re too close.”

Those corrections may solve the immediate problem, but they don’t always teach the lifelong skill.

Personal space should be taught proactively through instruction, practice, repetition, and encouragement—not only through correction.

Teaching the Skill Instead of the Situation

Many classrooms use creative ways to introduce personal space. Teachers might demonstrate arm’s length, place markers on the floor, or use other visual reminders to help learners understand physical distance.

Those strategies can be very effective during instruction.

The challenge is helping learners understand personal space when those teaching tools are no longer available. The goal isn’t remembering where to stand during one classroom activity. The goal is recognizing appropriate personal space while talking with classmates, coworkers, family members, neighbors, and members of the community.

Teaching the lifelong skill is always more valuable than simply solving today’s problem.

If you’re looking for an example of how to introduce this concept, explore our free Personal Space lesson and see how Healthy Relationships teaches this important skill through structured, concrete instruction.

A Healthy Relationships Perspective

Teaching personal space isn’t about helping learners avoid mistakes. It’s about giving them the confidence to interact safely and comfortably with the people around them.

Concrete Language Builds Better Understanding

One lesson we’ve learned over many years is that the words we choose matter.

Adults often use phrases such as:

  • Respect someone’s personal space.
  • Be appropriate.
  • Don’t invade someone’s space.

Those phrases make sense to many adults because we already understand what they mean.

For many learners, those ideas are simply too abstract.

Instead of relying on broad instructions, educators often find greater success by explaining exactly what they want the learner to do. Clear, concrete language reduces confusion and gives individuals something they can understand, practice, and remember.

Healthy Relationships helps educators turn abstract safety and relationship concepts into clear, concrete instruction that individuals with developmental disabilities can understand, practice, and apply in everyday life.

If you’d like to see how these lessons fit into the broader curriculum, learn more about the Healthy Relationships program and explore how relationship skills, safety, independence, and daily living skills are taught from beginning to end.

Don’t Wait to Reinforce Success

Here’s something we’ve learned after years of teaching personal space.

Most people only receive feedback when they’re standing too close.

Very few people ever hear:

“Thank you for giving me enough personal space.”

That means learners often receive attention only when something goes wrong.

Educators have an opportunity to change that.

When a learner is standing an appropriate distance away, tell them.

Say things like:

  • “You’re standing a comfortable distance away from me.”
  • “Thank you for giving me enough space.”
  • “That felt comfortable.”

Positive feedback helps learners understand what success looks like—not just what mistakes to avoid.

Supporting Educators Every Step of the Way

Teaching personal space can feel overwhelming because there isn’t one strategy that works for every learner. Every student brings different strengths, communication styles, and learning needs.

Healthy Relationships provides educators with structured lessons, age appropriate videos, visual supports, assessments, professional development, and consultation designed specifically for teaching relationship skills to individuals with developmental disabilities.

If you’d like to see examples of the curriculum before making a decision, request a free Healthy Relationships Sample Packet and explore the instructional approach for yourself.

If you have questions about implementation, training, licensing, or the curriculum itself, visit our Frequently Asked Questions page where we’ve answered many of the questions educators ask most often.

Continue Learning

If you enjoyed this article, you may also enjoy reading “How to Teach Friendship Skills: Why ‘Just Be Nice’ Isn’t Enough.“ That article explores why many learners benefit from concrete language instead of abstract directions when teaching relationship skills.

You can also watch our short Healthy Relationships overview video to see how educators across 43 states are using the curriculum to teach safety, healthy relationships, independence, and daily living skills.

Ready to Get Started?

If you’re ready to explore Healthy Relationships with your own students, start your free trial today and experience the lessons, videos, visual supports, assessments, and educator resources that have helped schools, therapists, residential providers, and service organizations build safer, healthier, and more confident learners.

Key Takeaways

  • Personal space is about helping people feel comfortable, respected, and safe.
  • Many learners benefit from clear, concrete instruction rather than relying on subtle social cues.
  • Teaching personal space proactively is more effective than only correcting mistakes.
  • Positive reinforcement helps learners recognize what successful personal space looks like.
  • Building confidence is just as important as preventing mistakes.

Author: Rob Anderson, MSW — School Counselor

How to Teach Friendship Skills: Why “Just Be Nice” Isn’t Enough

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If you’ve worked in special education for any length of time, you’ve probably caught yourself saying things like:

“Be nice.”

“Be respectful.”

“Make good choices.”

“That wasn’t appropriate.”

Those phrases come from a good place. As educators, therapists, and families, we want individuals with developmental disabilities to build healthy relationships, develop friendship skills, and make safe decisions.

The challenge is that many relationship concepts are abstract.

For many individuals with developmental disabilities, phrases like “be nice” or “be respectful” rely on years of life experience and the ability to read between the lines. Many of our learners simply aren’t reading between those lines.

That doesn’t mean they can’t learn relationship skills.

It means they often benefit from clear, concrete instruction that explains exactly what those words look like in everyday life.

Why Abstract Language Can Be Challenging

Most adults communicate using broad ideas.

We naturally say things like:

  • Be nice.
  • Be respectful.
  • Make good choices.
  • That’s inappropriate.

Most people immediately understand what those phrases mean because they’ve spent years connecting those words to real life experiences.

Many individuals with developmental disabilities process language differently.

Instead of automatically understanding those expectations, they may wonder:

“What does that actually mean?”

When we tell someone to “be nice,” we often assume they already know the behaviors we expect.

Many learners don’t.

They simply need one more step.

What Does “Be Nice” Actually Look Like?

Imagine asking several students the same question.

“What does it mean to be nice?”

One student might say:

“Share.”

Another might answer:

“Smile.”

Someone else may simply say:

“Say hello.”

Those are all wonderful answers.

But healthy friendships are built on much more than one behavior.

Being kind to someone may also include:

  • Waiting your turn.
  • Asking before touching another person.
  • Respecting personal space.
  • Taking care of someone else’s belongings.
  • Listening while another person is speaking.
  • Using words that help instead of hurt.

Those behaviors are much easier to understand than simply hearing the words “be nice.”

A Healthy Relationships Perspective

Many learners don’t need different expectations. They need clearer explanations.

Concrete Language Builds Safer Relationships

One of the most important lessons we’ve learned over the years is that concrete language helps build safer relationships.

Being concrete doesn’t mean being harsh.

Being direct doesn’t mean being rude.

It means explaining expectations in ways that learners can understand and apply.

Consider these two statements.

“That was inappropriate.”

Now compare it to:

“That made your friend feel sad.”

Or…

“That wasn’t safe.”

Many learners immediately understand words like:

  • happy
  • sad
  • mad
  • good
  • bad
  • yes
  • no
  • safe
  • not safe

Those words carry meaning.

They connect actions with feelings and outcomes.

Words like appropriate and inappropriate certainly have an important place, but they often require another level of understanding before they become meaningful for many learners.

Helping someone understand why something matters is often much more effective than simply labeling the behavior.

Being Direct Can Still Be Kind

One concern educators sometimes share is that being more direct might sound rude.

In reality, the opposite is often true.

Clear communication reduces confusion.

Reduced confusion helps individuals make safer decisions.

Clear expectations build confidence.

Being direct and being respectful can happen at the same time.

In fact, for many learners, being clear is one of the kindest things we can do.

Healthy Relationships helps educators turn abstract relationship concepts into clear, concrete instruction that individuals with developmental disabilities can understand, practice, and apply in everyday life.

If you’d like to see how these concepts fit into the broader curriculum, explore the complete Healthy Relationships Scope and Sequence and discover lessons that teach friendship skills, personal safety, independence, daily living skills, relationships, and much more.

➡️ Scope & Sequence

Teaching Friendship Skills with Confidence

Teaching friendship skills can feel overwhelming because every relationship is different.

Every friendship is unique.

Every learner is unique.

Every situation is different.

That’s exactly why Healthy Relationships was created.

Healthy Relationships provides educators with practical lessons, age appropriate instructional videos, visual supports, assessments, professional development, consultation, and family resources designed specifically for individuals with developmental disabilities.

Rather than asking learners to figure out abstract relationship concepts on their own, Healthy Relationships provides concrete instruction that educators can confidently use in classrooms, transition programs, therapy settings, residential programs, and community environments.

If you’d like a closer look at how Healthy Relationships teaches these skills, request a free Healthy Relationships Sample Packet and explore examples of the curriculum for yourself.

➡️ Sample Packet

Continue Building Friendship Skills

This article builds on one of the foundational ideas we recently explored in “What Makes a Healthy Friendship? Looking Beyond Time Spent Together.”

That article explains why healthy friendships are built on the quality of the relationship—not simply the amount of time people spend together.

➡️ “What Makes a Healthy Friendship?” Blog

Key Takeaways

  • Relationship skills are often abstract and benefit from concrete instruction.
  • Clear language helps reduce confusion and supports safer decision making.
  • Being direct and being kind can happen at the same time.
  • Teaching specific behaviors is often more meaningful than using broad phrases like “be nice.”
  • Healthy friendships are built through understanding, practice, and meaningful instruction.

Start Teaching Healthy Relationship Skills Today

If you’re looking for practical ways to teach friendship skills, healthy relationships, personal safety, independence, and daily living skills, we’d love to show you how Healthy Relationships can help.

Start your free trial today and explore the lessons, videos, visual supports, assessments, and educator resources that have helped schools, therapists, residential providers, and organizations across 43 states teach these important life skills with confidence.

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Author: Jen Falkowski, M. Ed. — Special Education Supervisor

What Makes a Healthy Friendship? Looking Beyond Time Spent Together

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Summer often changes the way many learners interact with others. During the school year, students see classmates, teachers, and support staff almost every day. Those regular interactions create opportunities for conversations, shared experiences, and relationship building.

During the summer months, however, many of those daily connections look very different. Some learners have fewer opportunities to spend time with peers outside of school because of transportation, scheduling, limited community opportunities, or simply because school is no longer in session. Others continue thinking about classmates they saw every day and naturally refer to them as friends.

That seasonal change raises an important question:

What actually makes someone a healthy friend?

For many individuals with developmental disabilities, the answer is not always obvious. One of the most common misconceptions educators, therapists, and families encounter is believing that the amount of time spent with someone automatically determines the quality of that relationship.

In reality, healthy friendships are built on much more than familiarity or frequent interaction.

Why Healthy Friendship Skills Matter

Every day, special education teachers, school psychologists, school counselors, speech language pathologists, occupational therapists, transition coordinators, and families help individuals develop the skills needed to become as independent as possible.

Friendship skills deserve that same level of attention.

Many people assume friendships naturally develop through experience. While that may be true for some, many individuals with developmental disabilities benefit from direct, concrete instruction that helps them better understand different types of relationships and what makes those relationships healthy.

Teaching friendship is not about limiting relationships or deciding who someone should spend time with.

It is about helping individuals build relationships that are safe, meaningful, respectful, and supportive throughout their lives.

Quantity of Time Doesn’t Define Friendship

One of the biggest misconceptions we encounter is the belief that friendships are based primarily on the amount of time someone spends with another person.

Students may see the same classmates every day.

They may ride the same school bus.

They may participate in the same classroom, transition program, work experience, or community activity.

Because of those repeated interactions, it can be easy to assume that everyone they see regularly is automatically a friend.

Healthy friendships, however, are not built simply on time.

They are built on the quality of the relationship.

That distinction is incredibly important because it helps learners begin thinking beyond familiarity and toward understanding trust, respect, kindness, appropriate boundaries, and shared experiences.

Those concepts are not always intuitive. Many learners benefit from opportunities to explore them in concrete, developmentally appropriate ways.

A Healthy Relationships Perspective

Healthy friendships are built on the quality of the relationship, not simply the amount of time spent together.

Why Friendship Can Be Difficult to Teach

Friendship is one of the most rewarding life skills to develop, but it can also be one of the most challenging to teach.

Unlike many daily living skills that follow the same routine each day, every friendship is unique.

Different personalities.

Different interests.

Different communication styles.

Different expectations.

For individuals who benefit from concrete instruction and may find generalization challenging, understanding these differences can feel overwhelming.

Over the years, members of the Healthy Relationships team have heard learners ask a simple but powerful question:

“Why hasn’t anybody just told me this?”

That question reminds us that many relationship concepts adults assume people naturally understand may actually benefit from thoughtful, direct instruction.

Sometimes learners are not struggling because they do not want friendships.

They are struggling because no one has ever clearly explained what healthy friendships look like.

Why This Matters Beyond School

Understanding healthy friendships extends far beyond the classroom.

As individuals become more independent, they begin interacting with coworkers, neighbors, community members, volunteers, teammates, dating partners, and people they meet online.

Knowing how to recognize healthy friendships can help individuals:

  • Build meaningful social connections.
  • Develop greater confidence.
  • Recognize trusted relationships.
  • Better understand personal boundaries.
  • Make safer decisions.
  • Reduce vulnerability to unhealthy relationships.
  • Successfully navigate work and community settings.

Helping someone understand what makes a healthy friendship is not simply a social skill.

It is an important part of teaching personal safety, healthy relationships, and lifelong independence.

If you haven’t already read it, this article builds on one of the foundational concepts we recently explored in “Friend vs. Acquaintance: Why Teaching the Difference Matters for Safety, Independence, and Healthy Relationships.”

Friend vs. Acquaintance Blog

Teaching Friendship in a Concrete Way

One of the greatest challenges for educators, therapists, and families is that friendship can feel abstract.

Words such as trust, respect, kindness, loyalty, and boundaries often seem obvious to adults because we’ve developed those understandings over many years.

Many learners benefit from a different approach.

Rather than assuming these concepts will naturally develop over time, educators often find greater success when relationship skills are presented in clear, concrete, developmentally appropriate ways that learners can discuss, practice, and revisit throughout their educational journey.

Healthy Relationships was created around that philosophy.

Rather than expecting educators to piece together resources from multiple places, Healthy Relationships provides practical lessons, engaging instructional videos, visual supports, professional development, consultation, family resources, and educator tools designed to make relationship instruction more meaningful and more effective.

What’s Included Page

If you’d like to see the overall philosophy behind the curriculum, take a few minutes to watch our short Healthy Relationships overview video and learn how educators across the country are teaching relationship skills, personal safety, independence, and daily living skills.

Program Overview Video

Measuring Growth Along the Way

One of the biggest challenges when teaching friendship skills is understanding whether a learner is making meaningful progress.

Relationship skills often develop gradually across different environments and experiences.

Educators, therapists, and families may notice small changes in how someone interacts with others, recognizes healthy relationships, or makes safer social decisions, but documenting those changes consistently can be difficult.

Healthy Relationships was designed with that challenge in mind.

The curriculum includes progress monitoring tools that help educators observe growth, document skill development, and communicate meaningful progress with families and educational teams over time.

Key Takeaways

  • Healthy friendships are built on the quality of the relationship, not simply the amount of time spent together.
  • Many learners benefit from direct, concrete instruction about friendship skills.
  • Understanding healthy friendships supports personal safety, independence, and lifelong success.
  • Relationship skills can be taught, practiced, monitored, and strengthened over time.

Explore Healthy Relationships for Yourself

If you’re looking for practical ways to teach friendship skills, healthy relationships, personal safety, and independence, we invite you to experience Healthy Relationships firsthand.

Start your free trial and explore the lessons, videos, assessments, visual supports, professional development, and educator resources that have helped schools, therapists, and organizations across 43 states teach these important life skills with confidence.

Try for yourself — Free Trial

Author: Rob Anderson, MSW — School Counselor

Friend vs. Acquaintance: Why Teaching the Difference Matters for Safety, Independence, and Healthy Relationships

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If you asked one of your students, “Who are your friends?” what kind of answers would you hear?

Some learners may list everyone in their classroom. Others might include the school bus driver, cafeteria staff, neighbors, coworkers, therapists, or someone they see each week in the community.

Those answers are not necessarily wrong. They simply remind us that many learners need support understanding that familiarity and friendship are not always the same thing.

Helping students understand the difference between a friend and an acquaintance is about much more than building social skills. It is a foundation for healthy relationships, greater independence, and perhaps most importantly, personal safety.

Why Teaching Friendship Skills Matters in Special Education

Every day, special education teachers, school psychologists, school counselors, speech language pathologists, occupational therapists, transition coordinators, and families help learners develop the skills needed to become as independent as possible.

Relationship skills deserve that same level of attention.

While many people assume friendship naturally develops through experience, learners with developmental disabilities often benefit from direct, concrete instruction that helps them better understand different types of relationships and how those relationships influence everyday life.

Understanding friendship is not simply about making more friends.

It is about recognizing different relationships, making informed decisions, understanding appropriate boundaries, and safely navigating school, work, community settings, and eventually adulthood.

One of the Biggest Misconceptions About Friendship

One of the most common misconceptions educators and families encounter is the belief that spending time with someone automatically makes that person a friend.

Students may see the same classmates every day.

They may participate in the same classroom, ride the same bus, attend the same community activities, or work alongside the same coworkers.

Adults may even casually use phrases like, “Come on, friends,” as a way of encouraging a group.

While those expressions are well intentioned, some learners interpret them very literally.

Over time, they may begin believing that everyone they know or spend time with is automatically a friend.

In reality, relationships exist in many different forms.

Helping learners recognize those differences is one of the first steps toward developing healthy relationships and making safer decisions throughout their lives.

Friendship Is More Than a Social Skill

Friendship is often discussed as a social skill, but its impact reaches much further.

Understanding different types of relationships can help learners:

  • Make safer decisions in their community.
  • Better understand personal boundaries.
  • Recognize trusted adults.
  • Build healthy peer relationships.
  • Develop workplace relationship skills.
  • Navigate community settings more independently.
  • Reduce vulnerability to unhealthy or unsafe relationships.

Helping learners understand who they know is very different from helping them understand who they trust.

That distinction becomes increasingly important as students grow older, gain independence, enter employment, participate in community activities, and develop relationships outside of school.

Teaching Relationship Skills in a Concrete Way

Many relationship concepts are abstract.

Words like friend, acquaintance, trust, respect, and boundaries often seem obvious to adults because we’ve spent years developing those understandings through life experience.

Many learners benefit from a different approach.

Rather than assuming these concepts will naturally develop over time, educators often find greater success when relationship skills are presented in clear, concrete, developmentally appropriate ways that learners can understand, discuss, practice, and revisit over time.

That doesn’t mean relationships become less meaningful.

It means learners have the opportunity to build a stronger foundation before applying those skills in everyday situations.

Why This Matters Beyond School

Understanding friendship is not simply about making recess or lunchtime easier.

These skills extend into nearly every part of adult life.

Whether someone is interacting with coworkers, neighbors, community members, employers, online contacts, or dating partners, understanding different types of relationships supports safer decision making and greater independence.

Helping learners understand that not everyone they know is automatically a friend is not about limiting relationships.

It is about helping them build healthier, safer relationships throughout their lives.

Supporting Educators With Practical Tools

Over the past fifteen years, Healthy Relationships has been developed alongside special education professionals, therapists, school districts, residential providers, and families across the country.

One lesson has remained remarkably consistent.

Relationship skills are often most successful when abstract concepts become concrete, teachable skills.

Healthy Relationships was designed to help educators confidently teach topics that are often difficult to explain while respecting each learner’s developmental readiness and individual learning style.

Rather than piecing together resources from multiple locations, educators have access to structured lessons, age-appropriate instructional materials, visual supports, family connection resources, professional development, and practical tools that support meaningful learning.

Explore everything that’s included in Healthy Relationships.

If you’d like to see the overall philosophy and approach behind Healthy Relationships, we invite you to learn more about the curriculum.

Watch our Healthy Relationships overview video.

Measuring Growth Along the Way

One of the biggest challenges when teaching friendship and relationship skills is understanding whether a learner is making meaningful progress.

Relationship skills often develop gradually and across many different environments.

Educators, therapists, and families may notice small changes in how a learner interacts with others, recognizes different relationships, or makes safer social decisions, but those changes can be difficult to document consistently over time.

Healthy Relationships was designed with that challenge in mind.

In addition to providing concrete instruction, the curriculum includes progress monitoring tools that help educators observe growth, document skill development, and communicate meaningful progress with families and educational teams.

Learn how Healthy Relationships helps educators monitor student progress.

Explore Healthy Relationships for Yourself

If you’re looking for practical ways to teach friendship skills, relationship boundaries, personal safety, and independence, we invite you to explore Healthy Relationships for yourself.

Start a free trial and discover how educators across the country are using Healthy Relationships to help learners build the skills they need for safer relationships, greater confidence, and increased independence.

Start your free trial today.

Author: Annie Smith, M. Ed. — Behavioral Health Specialist

New Features and Enhancements Coming Soon to Our Curriculum

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We are excited to share new features that being added to the Healthy Relationships Curriculum for Fall 2018 that will be provided to current and pending licensees at no additional charge!

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Progressing from Awareness to Acceptance – Incorporating Social Goals into the IEP

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This month, our blog is focusing on how to include strategies into a student’s Individualized Education Plan (IEP) that relate to healthy relationships with oneself and others.

April is recognized worldwide as Autism Awareness Month. There is a current movement within the autism community to not only continue to heighten autism awareness but to more importantly foster understanding and acceptance of individuals who identify as having an autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

Within this post, our team would like to stress the importance of including social problem-solving goals within a student’s Individualized Education Plan (IEP), regardless of their diagnosis.

We will reiterate language from our previous post for emphasis, as we believe so strongly in this description. The IEP is truly the cornerstone of a student’s special education program and should reflect the strengths, needs and progress of an individual as they move through their school experience. An IEP should address academics, vocational planning, community engagement, domestic function, and recreation. Within the domestic domain, the IEP should examine skills needed for daily living.

Social skills connect an individual to their environment and the greater community. An important step in a student’s development is their ability to interact with both educators and peers, and to maintain appropriate relationships with family, friends, and the members of the community outside of school hours.

Parents, teachers, other team members such as speech therapists, and the student themselves as a self-advocate as much as possible, should work together to evaluate what social problem-solving skills a student currently possesses.

The IEP team should consider their ability to:

  • recognize and greet others
  • initiate a request or demonstrate need
  • respond to others’ questions and inference perspectives
  • differentiate between strangers and friends or acquaintances
  • engage in a back and forth conversation with others
  • take turns or share group efforts in a school, work or community setting
  • recognize personal space, voice modulation, and non-verbal communication techniques such as pointing and gesturing
  • understand the difference between platonic friendships and romantic relationships

Once a student’s social strengths and areas of need are thoroughly assessed, their IEP goals can be created with a goal of increasing consistent practice of these skills that will ultimately promote success.

A helpful resource for teachers to use to instruct social skills is the Healthy Relationships Curriculum. The Healthy Relationships Curriculum uses learning modules and video modeling with role-plays to teach and remediate these skills and also offer examples of both appropriate and inappropriate interactions.

This method of instruction was recently endorsed by Dr. Tammy Hughes, Chair of the Department of Education at Duquesne University as “the best method available nationwide to teach adolescents and young adults about themselves, their sexuality, and their social relationships.” A student’s social development helps them to progress towards post-secondary education, independent living, meaningful employment and possibly long-term partnerships. It is critically important for the IEP team to include social skills as part of the IEP goals and to have a comprehensive plan for how to instruct them.

As shared previously, our blog posts are written by members of our team who have first-hand experience – often family members – with autism and/or comorbidity comprised with experience working within school systems and healthcare agencies that support individuals with ID, ASD, developmental disabilities and emotional disturbance. It is our belief that individuals who are encouraged to understand the importance of developing their social problem-solving skills and given appropriate instruction will likely be more successful in being accepted by their peers and the community in which they live.

Are you thinking of bringing the Healthy Relationships Curriculum to your classroom, group or practice? Click on the Contact Us page to request a sample packet, ask a question, or to schedule a presentation for your team.

HRC and IEPs – How to Incorporate Self-Care Goals and Strategies

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This month, our blog will focus on how to include strategies into a student’s Individualized Education Plan (IEP) that relate to healthy relationships with oneself and others.

Our posts are written by members of the HRC team who have first-hand experience (often family members) with the different disabilities, as well as professional experiences working within school systems and providers that support individuals with Intellectual Disabilities (ID), ASD, developmental disabilities and behavioral health challenges.

As the new school year is upon us, you are probably thinking about writing efficient IEP goals for your students. How you will teach them the skills needed to progress towards mastery of these goals? The IEP is the cornerstone of a student’s special education program and should reflect their strengths, needs, and progress as they move through school. An IEP should address academics, vocational planning, community engagement, domestic function, recreation, and transition goals to help prepare them for life into adulthood. The IEP should examine skills and have goals for daily living so the students can be productive in all areas of their lives. In this post, we would like to touch on self-care.

Hygiene, including proper self-care, is critically important in preparing an individual to achieve independence within the community. Without consistently bathing or showering, dressing appropriately for an environment, maintaining good grooming, and using the bathroom independently, it is unlikely that an individual will be successful at school, at work, or within their interpersonal relationships. Establishing proper hygiene skills as early as possible prepares a student for participation in the community and may help to prevent being bullied by others.

Teachers, parents, and students (depending on their abilities) should work together as a team to proactively assess the hygiene skills that are currently in place. Once the team has determined what skills are currently in place, the team can focus on what hygiene and self-care skills need to be addressed to help the student achieve optimal success. Hygiene and self-care goals in an IEP can include, but not limited to, such tasks as:

• Hand-washing
• Using tissues after sneezing
• Teeth brushing and flossing
• Selecting appropriate clothing for school or work
• Communicating the need to use the bathroom
• Using the bathroom safely (for example, ensuring that boys using the urinal are not dropping their pants to the floor making them vulnerable to sexual harassment and bullying)

Teachers can utilize a combination of demonstration, visual aids, repetition, direct instruction, and social stories to educate students about hygiene. Involving caregivers at home to reinforce appropriate hygiene is also key to helping a student progress on their IEP goals and promote generalization across environments.

The Healthy Relationships Curriculum is a valuable, comprehensive tool to help school districts and organizations educate individuals about good hygiene. The program utilizes evidence-based practices while continually assessing the mastery of skills in this critical area of self-care. If you have questions about including hygiene and self-care goals into an IEP, or to learn more about our curriculum, contact a member of our team today!

Upcoming posts will address the importance of sex education during critical periods of adolescence, as well as social skill needs, to enhance relationships.

Preventing Crime and Victimization By Teaching Healthy Relationships

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This blog entry was submitted by a member of the Healthy Relationships Curriculum team who has raised a child with autism and serves as a community advocate for change:

The Parkland High School shooting has brought increasing attention to the subject of crime as it relates to individuals with ASD. As a parent of a teen with autism, I have tried to learn as much as possible about legal issues and criminal behavior as it relates to autism as well as other developmental delays and co-morbidity. I have also spent a great deal of my time as an advocate researching, developing and conducting autism training sessions in the juvenile justice system for law enforcement, probation officers, and judges.

We need to consider the following:

* Current research suggests that there is limited and conflicting evidence regarding the volume and frequency of crimes committed by individuals with autism. There are over 3.5 million people living in the U.S. with an ASD diagnosis. It is estimated that less than one percent of these individuals have ever been arrested or charged with a crime.

* Individuals with ASD charged with a crime often have other mental health issues such as ADHD, bi-polar disorder or schizophrenia that experts suggest play a greater significance in criminal behavior than autism (known as “co-morbidity”).

* Individuals with autism are much more likely to be victims of a crime than to be the offenders. In fact, the U.S. Justice Department reports that individuals with developmental delays are seven times more likely to be sexually assaulted.

* The Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders reports that psychologists say a lack of appropriate sex education leaves people with autism more vulnerable to sexual victimization.

* Researchers at York University go on to suggest that explicit instruction on appropriate sexual behavior is more crucial for people with autism “due to difficulties recognizing red flags, and interpreting the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of others.”

Our curriculum provides detailed and direct instruction in the areas of self-care, sexuality, and relationship development. The curriculum was specifically designed by Dr. Larry Sutton and the staff of Wesley High School to help educate and inform adolescents and young adults about the importance of healthy relationships in their homes, at school, and in the community. Subjects such as privacy, personal space, appropriate use of social media, and how to develop safe friendships and romantic relationships are covered in the Healthy Relationships Curriculum. Covering these and other related topics will undoubtedly decrease problematic behavior, strengthen an individual’s understanding of their rights and responsibilities, and ultimately lead young adults to safer participation in the community.  We invite you to continue this dialogue with us, and learn how the Healthy Relationships Curriculum can contribute to prevention within the population you serve through proactive strategies.

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