If you’ve worked in special education for any length of time, you’ve probably caught yourself saying things like:
“Be nice.”
“Be respectful.”
“Make good choices.”
“That wasn’t appropriate.”
Those phrases come from a good place. As educators, therapists, and families, we want individuals with developmental disabilities to build healthy relationships, develop friendship skills, and make safe decisions.
The challenge is that many relationship concepts are abstract.
For many individuals with developmental disabilities, phrases like “be nice” or “be respectful” rely on years of life experience and the ability to read between the lines. Many of our learners simply aren’t reading between those lines.
That doesn’t mean they can’t learn relationship skills.
It means they often benefit from clear, concrete instruction that explains exactly what those words look like in everyday life.
Why Abstract Language Can Be Challenging
Most adults communicate using broad ideas.
We naturally say things like:
- Be nice.
- Be respectful.
- Make good choices.
- That’s inappropriate.
Most people immediately understand what those phrases mean because they’ve spent years connecting those words to real life experiences.
Many individuals with developmental disabilities process language differently.
Instead of automatically understanding those expectations, they may wonder:
“What does that actually mean?”
When we tell someone to “be nice,” we often assume they already know the behaviors we expect.
Many learners don’t.
They simply need one more step.
What Does “Be Nice” Actually Look Like?
Imagine asking several students the same question.
“What does it mean to be nice?”
One student might say:
“Share.”
Another might answer:
“Smile.”
Someone else may simply say:
“Say hello.”
Those are all wonderful answers.
But healthy friendships are built on much more than one behavior.
Being kind to someone may also include:
- Waiting your turn.
- Asking before touching another person.
- Respecting personal space.
- Taking care of someone else’s belongings.
- Listening while another person is speaking.
- Using words that help instead of hurt.
Those behaviors are much easier to understand than simply hearing the words “be nice.”
A Healthy Relationships Perspective
Many learners don’t need different expectations. They need clearer explanations.
Concrete Language Builds Safer Relationships
One of the most important lessons we’ve learned over the years is that concrete language helps build safer relationships.
Being concrete doesn’t mean being harsh.
Being direct doesn’t mean being rude.
It means explaining expectations in ways that learners can understand and apply.
Consider these two statements.
“That was inappropriate.”
Now compare it to:
“That made your friend feel sad.”
Or…
“That wasn’t safe.”
Many learners immediately understand words like:
- happy
- sad
- mad
- good
- bad
- yes
- no
- safe
- not safe
Those words carry meaning.
They connect actions with feelings and outcomes.
Words like appropriate and inappropriate certainly have an important place, but they often require another level of understanding before they become meaningful for many learners.
Helping someone understand why something matters is often much more effective than simply labeling the behavior.
Being Direct Can Still Be Kind
One concern educators sometimes share is that being more direct might sound rude.
In reality, the opposite is often true.
Clear communication reduces confusion.
Reduced confusion helps individuals make safer decisions.
Clear expectations build confidence.
Being direct and being respectful can happen at the same time.
In fact, for many learners, being clear is one of the kindest things we can do.
Healthy Relationships helps educators turn abstract relationship concepts into clear, concrete instruction that individuals with developmental disabilities can understand, practice, and apply in everyday life.
If you’d like to see how these concepts fit into the broader curriculum, explore the complete Healthy Relationships Scope and Sequence and discover lessons that teach friendship skills, personal safety, independence, daily living skills, relationships, and much more.
Teaching Friendship Skills with Confidence
Teaching friendship skills can feel overwhelming because every relationship is different.
Every friendship is unique.
Every learner is unique.
Every situation is different.
That’s exactly why Healthy Relationships was created.
Healthy Relationships provides educators with practical lessons, age appropriate instructional videos, visual supports, assessments, professional development, consultation, and family resources designed specifically for individuals with developmental disabilities.
Rather than asking learners to figure out abstract relationship concepts on their own, Healthy Relationships provides concrete instruction that educators can confidently use in classrooms, transition programs, therapy settings, residential programs, and community environments.
If you’d like a closer look at how Healthy Relationships teaches these skills, request a free Healthy Relationships Sample Packet and explore examples of the curriculum for yourself.
Continue Building Friendship Skills
This article builds on one of the foundational ideas we recently explored in “What Makes a Healthy Friendship? Looking Beyond Time Spent Together.”
That article explains why healthy friendships are built on the quality of the relationship—not simply the amount of time people spend together.
➡️ “What Makes a Healthy Friendship?” Blog
Key Takeaways
- Relationship skills are often abstract and benefit from concrete instruction.
- Clear language helps reduce confusion and supports safer decision making.
- Being direct and being kind can happen at the same time.
- Teaching specific behaviors is often more meaningful than using broad phrases like “be nice.”
- Healthy friendships are built through understanding, practice, and meaningful instruction.
Start Teaching Healthy Relationship Skills Today
If you’re looking for practical ways to teach friendship skills, healthy relationships, personal safety, independence, and daily living skills, we’d love to show you how Healthy Relationships can help.
Start your free trial today and explore the lessons, videos, visual supports, assessments, and educator resources that have helped schools, therapists, residential providers, and organizations across 43 states teach these important life skills with confidence.
➡️ Free Trial
Author: Jen Falkowski, M. Ed. — Special Education Supervisor
